Kelly's Blog

ACOA, please be honest with yourself

Rule #1, be honest with yourself. Do you have a tough time admitting there’s a problem? Do you make excuses or defend negative situations because you’re afraid to face the truth? I used to do this too so I don’t fault you for it. I’m just trying to help you see a better alternative. I was reading a chapter in Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life and one of his sentences really struck home with me. It said, “We only grow by taking risks, and the most difficult risk of all is to be honest with ourselves and with others.” I suppose right now you are figuring out that you’re an ACOA (an adult child of an alcoholic). With that comes a LOT of uncertainty,….some clarity,….and plenty of emotion. As you go on your journey and you seek more into ACOA coping, be honest with yourself. Be gentle with the … Continue reading

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Fill up someone ELSE’S love cup – ACOA self help

Do you ever have those weeks where you just feel BLAH? You don’t feel loved…you don’t feel pretty…you don’t feel happy……? Nothing’s wrong yet nothing’s right. You’re depleted and your negative thoughts are running the show? I used to have these days ALL. THE. TIME. I’d get angry with myself because NOTHING’S WRONG yet….nothing‘s RIGHT, either. I realized when I took the focus off of myself, I felt better. When I focused on making someone ELSE feel happy, or made them feel loved or pretty, I felt those things in return. I’m sure there’s a term for this other than, “what comes around goes around,” but for now, we’re going to call this Filling Up Someone Else’s Love Cup. Some examples of filling up someone else’s love cup (that in return, will fill up YOUR love cup): Complimenting something you like about someone else. Something you admire or maybe even … Continue reading

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Why impermanence is healing for an ACOA

I’m not one for big words so let’s break this one down a bit. Impermanence means not permanent or enduring; transitory. Other words you can use in place of impermanence are fleeting, or temporary. Impermanence is healing for an ACOA (adult child of an alcoholic) because if nothing is permanent, then the pain you are experiencing right now is not permanent, either. Impermanence was first introduced to me when I read an excerpt from Thick Nhat Hanh.  You can google his name and find many powerful entries. I’ll put a link to a video with him and Oprah down below. I believe impermanence can help heal your harmful ACOA traits in the following ways: As you might already know and experience, ACOA’s can sometimes feel power-less. Because of circumstances in your childhood, things were out of your control and left you feeling helpless. This feeling of helplessness is very easily … Continue reading

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Why dogs are therapeutic for ACOA’s

When you hear the word therapy…you often think small, closed in room, no windows,….just you and a therapist. Am I right? Maybe a little background noise like the sound of a sound muffling machine…..and blank walls. VERY blank walls. But rarely never do we think dogs are therapeutic. How could dogs possible be therapeutic? Well I’m glad you asked. Keep reading Dogs are therapeutic ESPECIALLY for adult children of alcoholics (ACOA’s) and let me tell you why. Because they decrease your chances of being depressed. They decrease the amount of time you are depressed. They bring joy to your life,…always giving you something to smile about. Studies show by just petting a dog your body increases it’s natural hormone levels of serotonin and dopamine. These are feel good feelings that bring peace and calmness to your world. They give you something to focus on other than yourself. This is big … Continue reading

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God created you for Him; to shine

Through meditation…I received the words; FEARLESS. ENERGETIC. HAPPY. I dug deeper…and realized through this inspiring meditation that God did not create you (or me) to be in misery…or to feel down, or disheartened or discouraged. God created you to SHINE. Colossians 1:16 reads, “For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities – all things were created through Him and for Him. As Adult Children of Alcoholics, we often forget that there is a God who is there for us. One who hasn’t forgotten about us. One who CARES what we’re going through…and who wants to see us successfully succeed on the other side. We forget that we were created by God, FOR GOD, and we forget that we were a divine creation he WANTED to make. God didn’t create you on accident. He didn’t put … Continue reading

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Invest your time – ACOA

If you want others to invest their time in you…. You must also invest your time in you. We are all walking around with one kind of struggle or another. Some people choose to find a solution, while others blame their circumstances on someone else. If you have been pointing fingers and blaming your unhappiness on someone else, it is time to invest some serious time in yourself. Call it tough love because you are only as good as you can be right now until you do something to make yourself better. What do you want out life? What do you want to accomplish? What is missing and how can you get it? It doesn’t matter what age you are, what job you have, if you are married, single or divorced, if there is an area of your life that you feel is lacking, what is your solution to making … Continue reading

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Would you rather bend or break? Adult child of alcoholic

Would you rather bend or break? Read on… If I were to ask one of your closest friends to describe your daily outline in three words, which words do you think they would use? Would they call you organized, scheduled, predictable, or would they call you free spirited, easy going, and laid back? I can tell you which side of the spectrum my friends used to lean towards. Even my own family used to complain about how scheduled I was, how everything had to go my way. I used to tell them there was no time for breaks in my routine and there is no time for unplanned family time. Can you imagine? I was just awful! I had my agenda and I was sticking to it. Luckily, over the years, I’ve been able to view those strict habits of mine as a big, comfy security blanket and that was … Continue reading

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“I don’t want to get married” & “I don’t want to have kids”

“I don’t want to get married” & “I don’t want to have kids” How many times have you told yourself I don’t want to get married? I don’t want to have kids? If you grew up in a dysfunctional home chances are you already raised an adult (your dysfunctional parent) and you probably already raised children (your siblings). You were the responsible one. You were the adult in the 8 year old body. You took care of everything. You looked after everyone. It’s no wonder you might think twice about marrying, sharing a union, raising children, compromising. You’ve been there, done that. Have you ever let yourself say, “I want to get married. I want to have children.  I want to have a family of my own?” It wasn’t until deep into my coaching that I realized it takes a person being healthy to want to have healthy things in … Continue reading

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How your past has affected you

It’s no secret that I’ve gone through some extensive therapy and counseling. I’m so happy I can share my life experiences with you and tell you from the bottom of my heart how proud, grateful and happy I am for the transformations I have made! The changes that have taken place within myself are indescribable and my passion for life is to help others accomplish the same indescribable transformations that I have. I’m here to talk to you about how your past has affected you. By past, we can be talking about something that happened to you when you were 3 years old or something that happened to you 3 years ago. Either way, it’s your past, you survived it, and you are living with the results everyday. Most people deal with the cards that they were dealt, while others, like me and you, want to get to the bottom … Continue reading

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How to prevent bad moods & bad decisions

I read a book recently that seriously changed my life. I know that sounds dramatic but it’s SO true! I love when people offer their recommended reading lists and/or suggested self-help books. What better way to improve yourself than to read how others have improved themselves and do what they do? I can’t think of any better way….can you? With that being said, I don’t know how I stumbled upon this great read but I did, I found it all on my own, and now I want to scream from the roof tops about how great of a book it is and when I applied it to my life, how phenomenal the changes were! Even my fiance said “Um…how did you do that? You used to handle the situation really bad like this, ……………………….” (Isn’t it great when other people realize the positive changes you are making?)  So about the … Continue reading

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